If one knows counting it helps many ways, you can count your achievements, failure, pain or pleasure. I use it extensively. I count about “me” and preserve all that in my little diary. If I say “me” it is little wake, I myself wonder who me...and basically that counting helps me to understand who me. Sometime truly it’s quite boring. Why you write something which narrates you? I mean you are always there then why you need to understand yourself. But I think it’s needed, you out to know your own power, your sufferings, your celebrations.
We have different feelings and also in different magnitude, like when one say “I am tired enough” that definitely mean he is tired more than he actually used to be normally. But how much tired he used to be normally and how tired is he now? This is wonder. Because there is no standardized scale in world to measure feelings. We can easily measure the temperature, speed, length but there is no any scale to measure one most common feeling “tiredness”. But this is needed; one should actually know how tired he is and how tired he can be. This just about one feeling there is many feeling which we should measure in scale. Though there is no scale we can develop our own scale, we can judge the level of our own feelings. Your little diary can help you in this.
I write diary to understand my scale, and in so many years I begun to understand it. This helps me fixing the level of pain I can bear; this helps me know how many nights I can spend sleepless, this helps to understand the level of grudge I can have. Sometime I flip page and find that I cried on something which was truly meaningless. Now I am sure I will not cry any more on that.
This is something which tempts me to love my own pain; I acknowledge the most painful days of my life was the wonderful time I have. I also cherish my days in Motihari, long night’s movies, dancing on road at midnights without any reason. I can feel the hunger at 12o’clock midnights, with battle like time to cooks alongwith the roommates. I can still hear 15 stoves burning at a time in the midnights and people running here and there as if they belong to different planet. I really love it…
